~ChEeZyChEdDaRcHeEsE~

I usually plug my ears with an mp3 when I take the LRT – regardless of the travel duration. It seems necessary since I don’t take pleasure in listening to either the awkward silence nor the murmurs and ‘public announcements’ of personal life AND the fact that I get nervous when surrounded by total strangers often looking offended should I look in their direction (or perhaps I’m just being paranoid). That’s why I’d voluntarily choose to stand by the door, clinging on to the door handle as if it was my own (talk about selfish…). =p

Then one day, these 2 kids boarded the train - no parents in sight. They stood by the door drowned by taller adults who’d mistake their ‘spot’ as an empty space to stand. Probably in standard two or three on their way home from school, clad still in their complete uniform. Their green ties read “SK St John (2) KL”, names tags sewn neatly on their left pockets, wearing watches bigger than the size of their fists (I really think the straps could’ve been wrapped twice around their wrists!) and carrying those trolley school bags. I was humoured just by looking at them! - and by this time, I’d turned off my mp3.

“Effy” was the cuter one, baby faced with teeth still unaligned. He was also the funny one. Telling jokes and ‘teka-teki’ such as “Orang apa yang bila dia mandi, rambut dia tak basah?”. His friend, “Shafiq” (hey..they’ve got their name tags on la..) would be the one giving funny answers like “Orang yang rumah dia takde air”, and then they’d both laugh before Effy corrects him (btw the answer is orang botak!) They’d even debate on peculiar things like “Kucing mana ada bulu”…”eh takla, kadang ada, kadang tak..” in very cute ‘baby-ish’ accent . They’d be absorbed in things to which we hold no interest in - pencil cases stuff not with stationery, but with sweets and candies! Restraining myself from bursting in laughs instead to just smile, was mentally tourturing! Was I the only one who heard them? No! Apparently the people who were on the train either had no sense of humor or were just too absorbed into their own boring world.

The time came to bid farewell to Shafiq, who went off in Jelatek. The train now retuned to it’s monotony ambience once again. Ouh the agony! It wasn’t long though, before Effy started amusing himself by singing and humming aimlessly which to me, did not sound like actual ‘songs’. Sure, people heard him, people saw him but no, he didn’t care. He was just happily entertained while looking out the window and smiling all the way to Taman Melati where he went off.

I never looked at them directly or couldn’t rather, as my sight was obstructed by the people standing around me. Instead, I was actually looking at their reflections by the door the whole time! Nonetheless, they amused me.

Kids. They’re fascinating. They’re always smiling, laughing – they do not possess the creases of frown nor feigning smiles as adults do. They’re fun to watch, don’t you think?

Holiday’s over.Great?Well, let’s just say..not too bad.Spent it wisely?Haha..I doubt that!So here I am,back in KAED.

Since I’ve been matering the act of "disappearing", I’ve been warned by those who supervise me; to not perform such acts while I’m in KAED (haha..)  >_<  Ok so probably I’ll stop doing that to them,but to others?I don’t see why not..hoho..

Yesterday,me,lydia,nitte and wawa went for dinner @ McD.After so long,it feels so nice to just be around those whom I’m most familliar to in KAED.Can’t believe it’s been 5 years - 5 very gruesome years!!!At present,KAED seems to be extinct with familliar faces, and often I walk with this big "?" hovering on me.My juniors?They don’t know me.I seem to be often taken as a 1st year;regardless by my own juniors or by some other people from other Kulliyyah whom I just happen to meet at cafes’.Guess I need to change my wardrobe collection eh?

Apabila sesuatu itu dilakukan tanpa rasa keikhlasan, tetapi hanya dengan rasa kasihan; adakah ia akan dianggap sebagai sesuatu yang murni atau sekadar menyeksa diri? Pernahkan kita terfikir akan sesuatu yang dilakukan untuk diri kita oleh seseorang insan itu, adakah ia benar-benar berdasarkan atas rasa ikhlas hati kerana ikhlas menyukai kita atau sekadar rasa kasihan kerana tidak sanggup mengecewakan kita mahupun sesiapa sahaja?(end)

Please don’t come too near,

As they’ll only lead me to fear

A fear that’ll make me shun away,

That’ll perhaps leave you in dismay

Please don’t ask of me too much nor too often,

I might give you all and leave what’s ‘mine’ to be forgotten

Let me not leave behind my scarce ‘self’ishness,

And put forward empathy in return for your kindness

Please don’t guilt me to bare a smile,

When all that my heart yearns to do is cry

They’re the matters which aren’t spoken nor shared,

Yet endured by mere silence that threatens to wear

Please don’t make me have hurt you,

For it’s the last thing that I’d ever want to do

Please…don’t try to love me…

For I might fail to fulfill the hope of loving thee

+my smiles…do I feign them? or are they what I mean?+